Home

The other day while my computer was asleep, my picture-slideshow screensaver decided to display this random picture I have of my room:

It made me miss home :(  I love being at school, and I love my friends here.  But sometimes I just want to walk into my front door, see my brother playing Mad World on the piano, say hi to my dad in the study, and plop on the couch with my mom to watch Criminal Minds.  (Amy would probably be working).

School

I read this in my Social Psychology textbook this morning.  It was very inspiring:

"If we want to change ourselves in some important way, it's best not to wait for insight or inspiration.  Sometimes we need to act - to begin writing that paper, to make those phone calls, to see that person - even if we don't feel like acting.  To strengthen our convictions, it helps to enact them."

Nice.

Texting My Brother, Part Two

"quick!  how do you spell badmittin?"
"I dunno!  Badmitten?"
"that how I spelled it"

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"Hey it's almost your birthday!"
"ya u txted in the middle of a geometry test"

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"So watsup"
"Soo we are wandering around looking for something interesting to eat.  How's the party?"
"I saw a racoon doing that once"

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"Hey"
"Oh heyy" "P.S. Rachel?"
"what?"
"Homecoming??"
"Oh ya. what about it?"
"I dunno.  Do you like her?  Is she cute?  How'd you ask?"
"i said do you want to go to homecoming with me i like her but we are going as friends and yes she is"

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"I left a pack of gum in my pocket and put it through the wash and this is what it turned into"
"Wow!! Looks like space rocks"
"ya i havent seen too many of those but i guess thats what they would look like"

Swap Meet

I had my first Swap Meet experience on Saturday.  It was life-changing.  I can't believe I have never gone before!  It was reminiscent of a farmer's market, except that instead of food there was just a ton of cheap stuff.  I won't lie - I spent a lot of money.  I had a lot of birthday cash, though.  So I shouldn't feel guilty, right?

Apart from a few tops and a great pair of feather earrings, I had two incredible finds.

On the right is a beautiful pocket-watch that actually opens!  What I'm still trying to determine is whether or not the clock is real.  Even if it isn't, this makes me so happy.  I have been looking for something like it for ages.  I put it on a chain and wore it around my neck today - it's beautiful and perfect, and I love it.

On the left is a little New Testament + Psalms that I found on a table amidst a bunch of other junk.  "Everything $3," the sign said.  Carved into the front is a Jerusalem cross.  I thought it was just a fancy Greek cross, but Google taught me otherwise.  Into the back is carved the word "Jerusalem."  I continued my Google-ing and discovered many similar Bibles, all made of olive wood, and all hailing from Israel.  Three dollars on a table of junk!  I showed it to my mom yesterday as we were Skyping, and she showed me a nearly identical one that my grandparents brought her from Israel.  I'm so happy to have it.

From this Bible (it is the KJV) my favorite verse reads as follows:

"Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.  For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise."

Hebrews 10:35-36

Welcome Back

I'm welcoming myself back.  To this blog.  Because I've been away.

Here's what I've been up to:
- NSO.  It's the craziest week of the year, but one of the best.
- Class.  Yikes.  Class is hard this time around - but finally interesting.  I love taking all my things out to the Landing, taking over a couch in the shade, and getting all my work done.  Typically I can't do homework outside, but I think it works there because it's kind of like a trick - outside, but kind of inside.
- Senate.  I am so excited for Activities!  Things have already gone a little bonkers, but what do you expect?  It's gonna be a great year.  We like bonkers.
- Swap Meet.  I went for the first time on Saturday with two of my good friends from home.  It was so cool!  I bought some great clothes and jewelry, a beautiful pocket watch that I plan to make into a necklace, and this incredible, wooden-covered New Testament/Psalms.  It has a Jerusalem cross carved into the front, and the word "Jerusalem" carved into the back.  I did some Google-ing to see what I could find out about it.  I found similar ones that are made of olive wood from Jerusalem.  If mine is as well, that's awesome.

That's it.  That's essentially all I've been up to.  Now that I've mostly settled into a routine, I'll be better at writing and doing the things I choose to do.  Soon I'll be better at taking photos, too - I left my memory card at home, but my mom found it and is sending it my way.  So that is fab.

Something beautiful God has reminded me of recently:

"I will betroth you to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice,
In lovingkindness and in compassion,
And I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness.
Then you will know the LORD...
...And I will say to those who were not My people,
'You are My people!'
And they will say, 'You are my God!'"
Hosea 2:19-20, 23

Lord, You are good.

I love my school.  I love the people here, I love the joy and life and love of God that is in everyone.  How blessed am I to spend my year in a place where my faith is shared by everyone around me?  There is such encouragement and unity that can only be found in Christ.

I'm tired.  I want to wash my hair and falllll asleep.

Pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.

You are a soul.

I was out the other day with a friend.  A woman passed us in the aisle, and gave us a strange look.  I couldn't quite decipher it, but I didn't find it malicious in any way.  The girl I was with, though, apparently took offense because she said something about "She's not even pretty."  I responded by saying "I think she's pretty," and in return got a reply of, "Yeah well you think everybody's pretty."

As if it was a bad thing.  As if my opinion would never count because I just thought that everyone was pretty.  It made me so sad.

Sometimes I'm very surprised at who people will deem "not pretty."  Often I will find a woman so beautiful, and am shocked to hear people say "I guess she's cute" or "but look at her figure" or "she might be pretty if..."  And inside I just kind of shirk and think, I think she is beautiful.  What makes you think otherwise?  If you don't find her pretty, do you even think I am?


It's true - if someone is so willing to label a woman as "not pretty" then why would they not think the same of me?  Or my sister, or my mother or friend?

I know many ladies who, to the world's eye, are surely more plain than some.  But I know it is not my place, right, or responsibility to determine who is adequately beautiful and who is not.  And because I know all aspects of their character and heart and personality, I am stunned to find that someone might not think of them as beautiful.  Because to me they are so lovely.

Now, I am not perfect, and I'm not saying I never see flaws in other women, and I'm not saying that I've never thought of any woman as unattractive before.  Of course I have.  But I am learning, and growing and my thoughts are changing.  And I can guarantee you that every such thought in me has stemmed from jealousy or insecurity.  How about this one - Why does she have a hot boyfriend and I never have any boyfriend?  She's not even pretty.  I can't tell you how many times this thought has flitted through my mind, as some sort of defense against my insecurities about the fact that guys tend not to express any interest in me.  All these questions why, what am I doing wrong, is there something wrong with me, that the enemy puts in my head to make me loath myself.  And the first reaction is to project these negative thoughts on someone else.

Thanks to God's grace I am usually able to come quickly to the other side of these irrational self-attacks and calm myself with the knowledge that His perfect timing will bring me to the man He has for me, be it in 2 years or 10.  And I am able to thank him that because guys aren't chasing after me all the time (or really ever), I am not constantly distracted or led away from my priorities.  And He reassures me and tells me that no matter what anyone else thinks or says, I am beautiful.  Because He made me.

So who am I (or you, for that matter) to have a beauty scale and arrange people accordingly?  I know we think this way because I have thought this way before.  Her face is pretty but she has such an apple figure, I'll stick her above ______ but below ______.  She's got a great body but should obviously be wearing more makeup over that awful skin, I'd say she's more attractive than ______ but definitely not as pretty as ______.

God made each and every one of these women.  He decided to give her an apple figure.  He decided to give her a big nose.  He decided to give me oily skin and weird old lady hands and He also decided against giving me nice cheekbones.  Well, let Him decide for goodness sake.  He's God, and I'm not going to question Him.

I'd like to reiterate that I am not perfect - I'm not trying to lead you to believe that you'll never hear me say anything negative about another women's physical body.  Because sometimes I do.  Again - not perfect.  But I'm doing it less and less, and I'm learning to be intentional about not only words that I volunteer but also intentional about words that I agree with.  I am so guilty of mindlessly giving a "Haha yeah" in response to one of these negative comments.  So I am trying to work on that.

I love what C.S. Lewis said - "You do not have a soul.  You are a soul.  You have a body."

God looks at our soul.  Let's try to see what He sees.